How do you handle it when the person you love has gone quiet and won’t talk to you about what’s wrong?
Even though your partner shutting down may not be easy, there are many things that can help in this situation. Here are five tips on how to deal with a partner who shuts down during an argument:
1. Don’t take it personally:
Your partner shutting down is not about you. Your partner can’t actually stop loving you and so they might not even realize that they’re doing it. If your partner shuts down, they may be experiencing intense emotion or working through something in their mind that’s very upsetting to them and that makes them unable to communicate. The best thing you can do is recognize that this isn’t about you, even if it feels like it is.
2. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings and give them space:
You might feel an overwhelming need to fix things, but try to remember that your partner shutting down isn’t about anything you’ve done wrong or failed at doing. Your partner just needs time to themselves and you should respect that. Try to remember that shutting down can be a coping mechanism for your partner. If your partner doesn’t feel like they have space to mentally take care of what’s going on, the situation might escalate into an argument or other problem later.
3. Don’t try to fix the problem:
Don’t try to fix the problem just yet. Instead, take this time to give your partner space and let them know that they can come back when they’re ready. Start by saying something like “I know it’s hard for you to talk about right now, but if you do want to come back and talk about what’s going on, I’m here.”
4. Check in with your partner regularly to see how they’re doing:
Make sure that you check in on your partner regularly during this time. Make sure that everything is okay, but don’t try to force them into talking if they aren’t ready yet. If things still feel tense after a while, however, you should definitely seek out a professional for help.
5. If things don’t improve, seek professional help:
If you partner shutting down still feels like a problem even after you’ve checked in on them and given them the space they need, it’s time to consider seeking outside help from a counselor or other mental health professional. Your partner shutting down might be a sign of bigger problems that need to be addressed, and the only way to do that is with professional help.
Check out our other blogs for more tips on how to create a strong and health relationship!